Halo’s Master Chief just had sex

Humanity's last hope has lost his virginity

Halo Master Chief

I find Paramount+’s Halo TV show painful to watch.

Not only does it stray significantly from its video game-based source material, at times, it doesn’t even feel like it has anything to do with Halo at all. Pablo Shreiber, the actor who plays the Chief, does an admirable job of attempting to carry the TV show on his reinforced bones, but even he can’t save it from its B-level production and schlocky sci-fi script.

Then there are the less than stellar CGI effects, annoying characters that feel entirely out of place in Halo’s world, and now, a sex scene involving the Master Chief.

Beware, spoilers below: 

Yes, you read that correctly — John-117 literally gets it on in episode 8 of the Halo TV Show. You may assume that this act of coitus was with his one true love, Cortana, but that’s not the case, though the AI is involved on a rather creepy level.

In the episode, Master Chief and Makee (Charlie Murphy) — a human that was kidnapped by the covenant at a young age — have grown closer due to their ability to communicate with an alien artifact, resulting in them removing their shirts, touching each other’s scars and engaging in sexual intercourse, all while Cortana (played by Jen Taylor) watches on.

Oh, and adding to the weirdness, Cortana was told to keep an eye on John by Dr. Catherine Halsey (Natascha McElhone), who is essentially the Chief’s mother.

To be clear, I haven’t actually watched the episode, so this is just a third-party account of the steamy action based on my extensive research.

Other pivotal moments from the Halo TV show include the reveal of Master Chief’s face and, of course, also his butt.

I gave up on the Halo TV show several episodes ago, but I’d be lying if this didn’t make me want to check it out again, if only for morbid curiosity’s sake. In a sense, I’m glad my green space boyfriend is finally getting some after serving humanity for so long, though part of me also wishes this TV show didn’t exist at all.